This Is Not One of Those Times...

Where the inside counts more than the outside. I know I'm supposed to be more "Grace"-ful, but tell me how could I pass up on commenting on Chanel that looks like ass?

No, really. It looks like an ass.

Or breasts, depending on your P.O.V. (P = perversion, in this case).

The messed up thing is that the inside is incredibly adorable and kind of hi-tech looking.

Although I can't be sure of what I was expecting instead, at an $1800 price tag (regular price $2250): an anus or lactating glands, perhaps?





Hmmm...if I wasn't interested in medicine, that last comment might have sickened me.

I Try to be Like Grace Kelly...

Not only am I fortunate enough to share a birthday with the likes of Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Rodin, Tamala Jones, Anne Hathaway, and Ryan Gosling, I also share it with the lovely Princess Grace of Monaco. I have always thought she was beautiful, witty, and classy, characteristics she seemed to exude in every movie she was in.

I'm sure everyone knows her life story and whatnot, so I'll spare you that. I will just say I once read a quote about how she didn't want to be a brand or an example, and as admirable as it was, she ironically became just that. Not only has the public's adoration of her found its way into the performance of some actresses, notably Gwyneth Paltrow and Mad Men's January Jones (goodness knows she aims for the poised blonde wife with a hint of iciness), even singers find themselves influenced by her (although none compare to me).



Her friendship and muse status for some of the world's best designers and photographers has made her fashion timeless.


She is also the inspiration for one of the most iconic handbags of all time, the Hermes Kelly bag.

At 22 years of age, I will make it my goal/informal birthday wish to incorporate even a modicum of "Grace" into my personality, because I admire her greatly.

Tagged: Proust Questionnaire

Ok, so I tagged myself. I decided to do a Proust questionnaire after I read about this. I want to reiterate I just really don't like or respect him, and that's all I will say. Anyway the questionnaire was really fun, and made me think a lot about myself.

On Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:44:20 UTC E.Jay (21) answered the Proust Questionnaire:

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
To have no purpose, as if your life isn't your own

Where would you like to live?
Anywhere I can experience all of the seasons, good weather and bad

What is your idea of earthly happiness?
To give and experience unconditional love, or hot chocolate and a good book, which is close

To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
Spending money, my internet addiction, my lack of action

Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Any man written with a soul, one I would wish to meet, and the heroes of Greek mythology

Who are your favorite characters in history?
The Egyptians, Martin Luther King, Jr., Frederick Douglas, Richard Wright, any Harlem Renaissance author or poet

Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
My mother, Josephine Baker, Grace Kelly, Mae Jemison, Barbara Jordan, Marian Anderson; basically any woman who defied odds with exceptional talent and a modicum of poise and grace

Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Celie and Shug Avery in The Color Purple, Tambu and Nyasha in Nervous Conditions; women who express the duality of my own nature and a strength I hope I possess

Your favorite painter?
My little sister

Your favorite musician?
There are too many amazing people that come to mind

The quality you most admire in a man?
Compassion, although intelligence and humility are close seconds

The quality you most admire in a woman?
Compassion as well, without pity; envy is rampant lately

Your favorite virtue?
Aside from compassion, I prefer fortitude, but the other five are important as well

Your favorite occupation?
Dreaming

Who would you have liked to be?
My very best self, with no regrets

Your most marked characteristic?
My kindness, I've been told

What do you most value in your friends?
Loyalty and honesty, as well as support

What is your principle defect?
My sometimes utter disregard of moderation

What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
To remain stagnant, mentally or emotionally

What would you like to be?
Happy

What is your favorite color?
Whatever blue it is where sky matches the water and they look like infinity.

What is your favorite flower?
Every single one

What is your favorite bird?
The wren because it looks unassuming but has a beautiful voice

Who are your favorite prose writers?
Maybe Toni Morrison; I have read a lot of her books but I love so many authors

Who are your favorite poets?
Langston Hughes, Rudyard Kipling, Nikki Giovanni, Maya Angelou, likely more

Who are your heroes in real life?
Aside from my favorite historically relevent men, my father

Who are your favorite heroines of history?
Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, all of the typicals, more or less

What are your favorite names?
The ones said in a loving way

What is it you most dislike?
Phoniness

What historical figures do you most despise?
Any who would kill or destroy a whole race of people without remorse or regard

What event in military history do you most admire?
Any end to a war is my most preferred part of a war

What natural gift would you most like to possess?
Irresistible charm, incredible drive, and innate talent at whatever I choose

How would you like to die?
Both loved and fulfilled

What is your present state of mind?
Triumphant and seemingly invincible, pleased for my new President

What is your motto?
I'm not sure, it changes as often as I discover a new one

If you want, you can fill out your own Proust questionnaire here. They even have Marcel Proust's original answers, some of which I agreed with.

BRB...

Taking part in history. :)

Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, Spooky, Scary!

Halloween just passed, in case you either live under a rock, are so overworked you didn't know, or just don't live in North America or the couple of other countries it's celebrated in. I was African-American Daria, which essentially means I didn't put any effort into a costume at all. Oh, sure, I dress better than her, but we're both facetious, sort of cynical, and smarter than about 90% of our peers. Plus, the glasses. Can't forget those.

My sister was to be Foxxy Cleopatra *finger snap*. You have to snap with the name, or my little sis will pester you deaf. Let the Beyonce worship continue. My brother was a teenager who doesn't give a crap about Halloween, but will totally take candy from strangers. So, he, like me, was himself.

On a totally unrelated note, here's my list of crap that frightens me/sickens me. Not surprisingly, it's, like my life, in no particular order.

1) Snakes
2) Spiders
3) Clowns, especially Tim Curry's horrifying "It" clown. Bluuuurrrrrggggh!
4) Sarah Palin's political intellect and discretion
5) John McCain's face
6) Driving over long bridges
7) HIV
8) The popularity of combining couple's names: Brangelina, Bennifer, Nariah, Bey-Z
9) The use of text speak in regular conversation
10) Cancer
11) Other people's feet
12) Joe Biden's hair
13) Tara Reid's body
14) The accumulated success of Soulja Boy, T-Pain, Rihanna, Cassie, etc.

This is my half-assed post (well, quarter-assed, my other posts are half-assed) b/c I am recovering from an ear infection in each ear and a majorly awful sinus infection. Two antibiotic shots in my arms? Yeesh.

Reason #832473804738 Why I'm Still A Linkin Park Fan...

Mike Shinoda "Baracks" my socks...that and I'm pretty much a sucker for anything with puppets.

Birthday List - Revisited

I have been a not-so-busy-but-very-lazy girl! I've been trying to work up the nerve to do another fashion post. This is far from a fashion blog of late, but until I get my hair done (Friday, thank heavens) I refuse to take pictures of myself. I am elusive, perhaps even mythical. Just call me the Fashionable Snowgirl...or Hot Dress Monster. I also look like I've been testing the merits of inserting steel knives in electrical outlets. Anygarbage, I decided to pass the time catching all (one) of you up on my Bucket List - if turning 22 is like dying, that is.

• Take a fun trip outside of the state, and spend no more than 8 hours each day in wherever I am sleeping. --I am actually going to Atlanta this weekend, so I hope that it'll be fun! I've been to ATL more times than I can count, but never of drinking/clubbing age, so I have my fingers crossed.
  

• Find 5 new things to do in my city. --I did a photoshoot at this poetry club/art house. That's one. But, I swear to God, there is nothing to do here! I might just count buying Rock Band 2.
  

• Take care not to neglect my friends. --Ha ha ha, I am trying not to, but I am a bit of a loner. Luckily my friends seem to understand.
  

• Finish an article of clothing from scratch. --I have one in the works, a metallic high-waist skirt, but I might scrap it in favor of a dress.
  

• Finish writing a chapter-sectioned story. --Yeah. I am no further than I was last month. But I started 2 more stories...damn you, ADHD!
  

• Meet 5 new people. --I met one who is new in town at the photoshoot. The neglecting person that I am, I have yet to hang out with her. LOL

• Get to 100 posts on my blog. --Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
  

• Act on impulse rather than second guess myself. --Oh, this is definitely happening. No sarcasm this time.
  

• Smile even when I am all alone. --Just last night, I held an impromptu fashion show in my room. Music: Sam Sparro, Madonna, N*E*R*D. Audience: my stuffed animals and the webcam on my laptop that I always assume is on, watching me. *shudder* Damn technology.
  

• Reconnect with at least 5 old friends. --I reconnected with three, at a fashion show. No, not the stuffed animals in my room, but a geniune fashion show with "celebrity" entertainment and all. Celebrity meaning they were locals who were on 106 & Park one time, which I don't even watch.

• Be in Las Vegas on or near my birthday. --Ok, so that shit won't happen, but I just might be paying for a trip to Paris in the spring on or near my birthday. I've never been, but Paris kicks Vegas ass all day long!
  

• Try out for something I normally wouldn't. --The photoshoot was something, but I'm looking for more opportunities.
  

• Finish my medical school secondary applications. --Given my rejections...I may have to change this to "Study for the MCAT again".
  

• Vote. --Duh, duh duh!
  

• Save at least $1000 dollars between now and then. --This one I did accomplish, so scratch it off and score one for me!
  

• Make two more stock investments. --I am going to wait until the last possible minute on this one, maybe wait on some birthday money I won't miss.
  

• Read a classic book. --I have been reading A Confederacy of Dunces, which is essentially how I feel about most of the public anyway.
  

Sarah Palin is like the Rihanna of Politics

Don't frown at the title. I am already ashamed of myself that I thought it in the first place, but there it is. It came to me, while watching the vice Presidential debate the other night. I sat there, wondering why the focus group's positivity towards Sarah Palin would increase with every cutesy thing she did. I kept thinking, "Do they even hear the words coming from her mouth? She's downright annoying!" (Not to say Joe Biden can't cause a nose-scrunch too, but if you want Barack Obama as your Prez, what can you do?) I swore to myself to stop being so hard on Rihanna, but I genuinely dislike her, which is confusing since I don't know her. I guess the same could be said about Sarah Palin. Whatever. I won't apologize, but at least let me try to explain.

1. Both view themselves as "outsiders" and beat that idea like a dead horse, using a specific word.
Seriously. Try not to play any drinking games where you take a shot per usage of the word "maverick" (Sarah Palin) or "edgy" (Rihanna). It's likely you would die of alcohol poisoning. Rihanna couldn't "edge" her way out of a paper bag. Being a "tomboy" doesn't make you different. Tons of hot girls play that role because guys like it, I'm told. Having grown up as a tomboy myself, I was always awkward around boys (b/c I was attracted to them) and girls (b/c I wasn't like them) and always defending myself against being a lesbian (which I have never been). Mixing prints or black and brown or metallics or wearing white after Labor Day isn't edgy either. Some of us have been doing that for ages. Edgy is not just style/fashion, it's an attitude that she just lacks. Unlike Rihanna, Sarah Palin is actually what she claims in some ways. To be a maverick is to do what you think is right, despite being alone in that idea. I don't deny that she thinks she is right in all of her views, but that doesn't make some of them any less stupid. Ok, not stupid: inane? Idiotic? Imbecilic? Global warming must be a figment of our imagination. Damn the wildlife of Alaska, right? Let's take away a woman's right to choose, even if the baby would be a product of rape or incest, or the birthing process could kill her. Ridiculous.

2. Both were initially endorsed as credible by some old guy with dollar signs in his eyes, who had known them for all of a week.
Of course, McCain's dollar signs are accompanied with visions of himself swearing in as President. Jay-Z was already President at Def Jam, if I remember correctly. Details are fuzzy. Both of these men are incredibly business minded and have been "in the game" for years. I'm sure for both that it has gotten to the point where they can spot a cash-cow/gimmick right away. McCain knew that having a woman in the White House is as much strived for by the minorities as have a Black man. Plus, the other gender seems much more encompassing than a minority race. Jay-Z knew that his girlfriend (now wife) was getting pretty old in pop star years (they are like Playboy Bunny years, actually) and he wanted to have a hand in her replacement. Plus, how many women can match up to Beyonce? Not very many. Rihanna, with her boyish body and short hair, seems less threatening than Beyonce, I imagine, even with her green eyes and cringe-inducing speaking voice. Sarah Palin has a cringe-inducing speaking voice as well. Yet, here we are. Well played, gentlemen. Well played.

3. Both are arguably hot.
I must admit, both can be ridiculously attractive at some moments, and just average at others. Some call Sarah Palin a "milf"/photoshop her head onto bikini photos and some call Rihanna "the current hottest chick in the game"/photoshop her nude, while others think Sarah Palin looks like the bitchy mom at the PTA or their own mother (shudder) and that Rihanna looks like a man or a Klingon. Regardless, part of each woman's appeal/trademark is her looks.

4. While carving a niche out of practically nothing, both dodge naysayers by crying foul.
Any disdain shown towards Sarah Palin is met with the cry of "sexism". Any shown towards Rihanna is met with the phrase "jealous hater" or the term "Beyonce stan". We live in a world where people (myself included) have blogs, YouTube channels, and/or Facebook and MySpace pages and say snarky, bitchy things so much that very little is even taken as genuine criticism anymore. Since anyone can say anything (that pesky freedom of speech), there are those people whose criticism does fall under the category of envy, but there are many more of us who feel we have legitimate reasons for our dislike. But, their avid supporters can't hear anything through the white noise of their assumptions of our insecurities.

4. Both began more or less under the radar before suddenly rocketing into such success that it leaves all of us who don't see their appeal scratching our heads.
I don't really have to clarify that further. Suddenly they are all over the place, being shoved down our throats from all sides.

5. Both have (currently) beaten out their main and obviously more talented "competitor" (so to speak) in their specific fields.
I think it's pretty clear that I am referring to Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. Both women are quite adept at their professions, at least in comparison to the current popular choice. All four women have their faults to a point; you might consider Palin and Rihanna to be Pepsi, and Beyonce and Clinton to be Coca-Cola. One type may have been around longer, but the other type has more flash and public appeal. Some prefer one over the other in taste tests and some just hate both drinks. Coca-Cola is sticking with their tried-and-true image while Pepsi has enlisted the help of celebrities to sell their wares (am I still talking about sodas?).* Whatever the case, Palin and Rihanna are preferred 3 out of 5 over Clinton and Beyonce. I mean, duh, Palin's currently closer to the White House than Clinton, and Rihanna's reigning chart queen over Beyonce.

6. Both are popular/famous for nearly anything but what their career title directly insinuates.
Palin is immediately recognized by her Tina Fey glasses, Hockey Mom bangs, and mandarin-collared, brightly colored suits. Rihanna is immediately recognized by her Prince, Kelis, or Posh Spice-inspired hairdo, Fefe Dobson wardrobe, and her misguided, eventually regrettable tattoos. Palin has yet to be complimented by the press for her political prowess, experience, or insight. Rihanna has yet to be praised for her singing or performing skills. This is the case even with fans of either, who admit that Palin has questionable political knowledge/Rihanna has questionable singing talent. Why is that so? My theory is that the public, so sick of having images in mind of women that were unappealing or unattainable, decided to support women so ridiculously flawed at their chosen careers that they would be instantly likeable and/or relatable.

Well, I neither like nor relate to either. I am at present so disillusioned with the buying and voting public - in many ways besides this - that were it not for my desire to be updated on the current events of my universe, I would limit myself from contact with all this bullshit posthaste. I can only hope that trying to create change in my own life will create some sort of trickle-down/out/around effect that will affect change all around me. I have gone on long enough, so I will leave you with a few videos to illustrate my points and these suggestions:

Vote for Barack Obama November 4th, and buy the albums of someone with actual talent. One way or another, it's time for change, people.



Hero Gone Bad


Please Don't Pon De Replay


Disturb-ya at the VMAs


From Queerty.com

Bush Doctrine? What's That?


What's the difference between a funny joke and an insult? Sarah Palin


Palin v. Biden Parody
http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/vp-debate-open-palin-biden/727421/


Palin with Katie Couric Parody
http://www.hulu.com/watch/36863/saturday-night-live-couric--palin-open



Palin and Clinton Announcement
http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/palin-hillary-open/656281/

*For the record, Coke kicks Pepsi's ass all over the playground, unless it's Wild Cherry Pepsi.

Relenting

Ok, ok, although I don't think he's asked for "less vocoder" on a song since his first platinum single, I dislike T-Pain a little less with this video.



Well, like 1.5% less, he's still an embarrassment. (Disregard the free promotion)

I Don't Have The Strength...

I've been doing my workout thing for the past two weeks in addition to my job, so I can barely lift my arms over my head much less focus my mind to the point it needs to fathom why this really is in existence. (seen @ Crunk & Disorderly)

So, apparently Eb the Celeb thought I was just joshing about Chris Brown's new underwear line, Big Headed. To be honest, I actually thought the whole thing was just conceptual, hypothetical, theoretical, debatable even (much like his singing ability). I was not prepared for the full-on website, complete with models, shopping carts, and MUZAK. To his credit, Breezy's face, body, and music are nowhere to be found on the site (thank God), so despite its vainglorious and (rumored) appropriate name, it appears to be no homage to his person.

My need to bitch and critique plus my desire to observe all things fashion apparently outweigh my (dearly missed) lack of interest in Chris Brown and his activities. I have to say something; my very nature wills it to be so. :-/ I will just say these things, and then no more, maybe.

1. Why are the girl's boxers constantly referred to as "Boxahs"? It makes my face hurt, for some reason.
2. These male models seem to surpass my douche tolerance level.
   
3. Imagine my horror/delight (?) in the (men's) "Breakaway Boxers" section when the models in the videos actually BROKE AWAY THEIR BOXERS. Oh, how I gasped/laughed. I was willing it to be so ("break 'em away, break 'em away, do it!"), and...there it was.
   
4. If you decide to take a look-see, keep an eye out (in the men's section) for gems like the "Condom Pocket Boxer" (convenient), "Danger - Fire Hose" (O_o), "Speed Limit: 69" (WUT), and my personal favorite: "Safety First - Clean Up Spills".
5. The girls modeling the bottoms are not wearing any tops. Just hands and tan lines. Why?
6. The "Peek A Boo Sports Bra" (there are so many jokes there) looks completely useless at doing anything but being removed by your guy...single/sexless girls need not buy.
7. I get the heebie-jeebies at the idea of thinking about Chris Brown when I put on my thong, or that Chris Brown had anything to do with the thong I would be wearing. That may be the grossest sentence I've typed on this blog. Trey Songz on the other hand...

Yeah, on that note...I am done. There is so much there, but I think I'll leave that to the hardcore Chris Brown fans/anti-fans to decipher.

Down the Rabbit Hole...

I started this post over a month ago, but abandoned it midway through. I rethought it, because it seemed kind of mean...

Eh, whatever. I'll be vague.

8/8/08
Instead of ending up in the tangible manifestation of an acid trip called Wonderland, though, I ended up in the land of the Vain & Vapid, girls who appear to be uniform in personality although they look nothing alike.

Seriously. My day was filled with the type of shallowness that can't be taught in pageant/modeling classes, imitated from movies like Mean Girls, or gleaned from hanging around (some?) celebrities. This has to be congenital. I mean, there's no way anyone can act like what I've seen here today without having honed such a singular dimension to a gleaming sharpness. And, this is from a female who has Vogues scattered across her floor, owns Sex and the City DVDs, and gabs about fashion with the passion of a political pundit covering the 2008 election. I'm not exactly (insert deep musician here), reading (insert famous Russian author) and quoting (insert famous philosopher) while donating my time to actively (stop female genital mutilation/fight genocide in Darfur/build homes in war-torn countries/etc).* As a matter of fact, just last week I said Toni Morrison wrote The Color Purple (BLASPHEMY!) when it was Alice Walker (DUH).

We all have our "blond moments" (no offense to blondes, since every hair color/race has its assclowns). However, I have never met anyone I would want to call a bubble-head before now. I can't let this happen again. My very life (and the bloodlessness of any nearby blunt objects) depends on it. Granted, the shallow never actually recognize themselves as such - perhaps this means that the fact that I question my superficiality nullifies it (in that way where crazy people never think they are crazy, because they are too busy being crazy, so if you wonder if you are crazy you couldn't possibly be crazy - ok shutting up now...)? Here are some things I have to share for anyone not questioning their possible lack of depth after observing the Vain & Vapid:

1. Oil build-up on your make-up during the day should not be discussed with the same graveness and sobriety as the events of 9/11, the "war on terror", or the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
2. Hair weave does not deserve the same careful planning, funding, and deliberation as plans for universal healthcare.
3. No, I don't think wearing a size 4 now instead of a 2 means it is time for you to hit the gym. If 5 pounds were all it took to get you to the size 4, you weren't really a 2 to begin with. And, that's okay.
   
4. It's not all right to hang out with "ugly girls" because they make you feel more secure.
5. No, I have never skipped class because my hair was "busted".
6. Facebook/Myspace are not as reputable as/equivalent to CNN.com, or even yahoo.com.
7. Facebook/Myspace are not really meant for you to become the Tyra Banks of your own Next Top Model competition.
8. Twenty-five is not fucking old.
   
9. Thirty is not fucking old.
10. No, I do not agree that McDonald's employees would be more pleasant if they had cuter outfits.
11. It's not the 50's. You aren't "too late" if you get married at 28. People live relatively longer, now that we (most of us) know smoking really is bad for us. And, you seem like the type to one day embrace a syringe full o' Botox.
    

*Note: I took a Russian short stories class and found it to be slightly lower on my boredom list than watching my siblings do their homework, and I do like classic novels, and participate in walks, awareness rallies, and protests, but like most middle-class "do-gooders", I have only been out of the country on vacation, not to lie down in front of tanks or bring well water to people fighting malaria. I have great respect for those who can do such serious and risky things. I am just honest about my (lack of) experience.

Remember Mondos?

I just got the earwig song from the commercial trapped in my head. How, you ask? Oh, you didn't. Well, that's all right, I'll tell you anyway.

I was looking at this post on ONTD, my favored among my guilty pleasures (they are just so deliciously ee-vull! It's like Gossip Girl, manifested in a LiveJournal, about celebs and pseudo-celebs rather than upper East-siders). I am pretty sure if you could be arsed to click the link, you clicked away immediately. I understand, it's incredibly difficult to give a shit that Chris Brown is making drawz, whoop-te-do. But please note that it's 1 am here, and my facsimile of a sham of a life has a self-enforced curfew of about 10 pm (again, I live in Mississippi, yeesh, stop having me explain that) which leaves me with about 3 or four hours of fat-ass'ed (3 syllables, like Shakespeare...classy, no? Classy, yes.) laziness. That is, if I haven't collapsed into unconsciousness from the weight of my full life (sarcasm, for the new).

So, I took the time to read about Chris Brown's panty line for dudes. It's gonna be called Big-Headed. No, really.

Yeah. (Insert obligatory Rihanna forehead joke here...I'm lazy. You understand).

Anyway, after wasting 4 minutes of my life (thank God I wasn't using those to save the world), including reading comments, I laughed, and said, "Well, Chris, it's your world."

That's all it took. I uttered those three words, and launched into the Mondo jingle, full blast. I can't even believe I remember the damned thing. Be warned, this commercial sucks big hairy ones even by 90's standards, but it would come on during every episode of Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, Rugrats, All That, and any other kids show I was watching.



Oh, you'll see Jennifer Morrison (Cameron) from House in the commercial (weird!).


Mondos used to be the main drink in my lunch box, especially in summer and on field trips. The Kool-Aid juices were ten times better, but these were cheaper (why? Kool-Aid where I'm from conjured up images of you growing up poor in the hood), so these would be the ones in my mom's shopping cart on grocery days. These were the times of Ramen noodles, Vienna sausages, and fried baloney (sure, there was bologna, but we had baloney), so I didn't know to be embarrassed by them until middle school, when everyone was drinking Hi-C's (remember the Ghostbusters flavor?) and Capri Suns in the trendy silver pouches, or just buying sodas. Yeah, so I was ashamed of my Mondos, and my mom eventually stopped buying them in favor of the Capri Suns. Since I rarely look at individually packaged juices in the store, I have no idea if they are still around. Dumb as this post is, I just got a touch of nostalgia (sounds like a disease), when my cousins and I would drink 2 or 3 of one flavor each in a sitting just to get our tongues to turn purple or blue or whatever.

By the way, I always wondered if Mondo meant "world" in any language. If not, the damn catch phrase/jingle makes no sense.

Happy birthday, Ari B.! :-D

Humble Me

I joke a lot, but there is nothing more sobering to me than a reversal of roles between parent and child. That happened to me today, when my dad had some (minor) surgery. My mom had to work, and I had time free, so I volunteered to be his "nurse" for the day. He was heavily sedated, so I had to help get him to awaken. The sedative the anesthesiologist administered had a lingering effect of forgetfulness, too. It was as if I were seeing my dad with a degenerative disease, like Alzheimer's. He asked me the same questions repeatedly, but I didn't mind in the least. Where my dad would often agitate me, particularly in conversation, I had the utmost patience and concern for him. I just felt this overwhelming sense of sadness for those people who experience that with their parents, their providers/caretakers, everyday. It's really weird, but when I had to help him put on his shoes, I noticed that his toenails were in serious need of grooming, and I could see blue spider veins winding up the pallid, translucent skin of his feet. That's when it dawned on me that my father is getting old. I nearly broke down in tears right there. I have seen my father as strong, aggressive, ageless, almost omnipotent, practically omniscient, from the moment I knew to appreciate him. A father of two from our church died from a heart attack about a month ago, and he wasn't even 45. My father is nearing 70. When I see him sleeping, I fight the urge to check his breathing. I am certainly grateful for every moment we have had together, but I still can't imagine life without him. I hope I won't have to anytime soon. I love him, and selfishly want him to be around for my wedding - which is so far from prospective right now - and to at least see my first (only?) child. I can only pray that the future is not too far off in another direction.

Things to Do...Before Age 22

I will be 22 in less than three months. I concede that I have idealistic, romantic notions about birthdays, cities, relationships, and well, life in general, but aside from graduating college and spending time with my fabulous family, my 21st year on Earth sucked some hairy donkey balls. It amazes me how much time I have frittered away lamenting, regretting, pining, whining, vegging, and just basically being a 5'10, 140-pound waste of displaced air. One of my best friends said that if you want things to happen to you that have never happened before, your best bet is to do things you have never done. So, I will try to take on a new attitude this fall and get the fuck up and out of my rut. I've noticed I respond really well to making lists because of the giddy pride I get out of scratching tasks off as I complete them, so here goes.

I really want to:

• Take a fun trip outside of the state, and spend no more than 8 hours each day in wherever I am sleeping.

• Find 5 new things to do in my city.

• Take care not to neglect my friends.
  

• Finish an article of clothing from scratch.

• Finish writing a chapter-sectioned story.

• Meet 5 new people.

• Get to 100 posts on my blog.

• Act on impulse rather than second guess myself. (Kind of like George Costanza doing the opposite of what he normally did on Seinfeld)

• Smile even when I am all alone.

• Reconnect with at least 5 old friends.

• Be in Las Vegas (if affordable :-/) on or near my birthday. (This could count as my trip!)

• Try out for something I normally wouldn't.

• Finish my medical school secondary applications.

• Vote.

• Save at least $1000 dollars between now and then. (It sort of conflicts with Vegas, hahaha, I know.)

• Make two more stock investments (under advisement...the market's been kind of rough).

• Read a classic book. (I suck them up like water in dry sponges.)

That's all I can think of at the moment, but I think these goals are lofty enough. In light of my new attitude, I will say (type) with confidence that I can make all of these happen.

...Huh?

My guess is, I should stop being some perfection-striving basket case, and just write whatever I want. That might keep me motivated to post.

Anywhatsit, I have questions. They don't need answers or anything, in fact, knowing me, I may just answer them myself...just putting it out there in the universe.

1. Why did Christina Aguilera fashion herself into Lady Gaga/Britney Spears-the-remix at the VMAs? I thought that we Christina fans admired her for her pipes/shrieking and her need to sing live pretty much no matter what. "Keeps Getting Better" sounds like the opposite of what I saw last night...more like "Keeps Selling Out".

2. Why did anyone ever call Christina "X-tina"? I get the play on Christmas/X-mas. But if you were gonna be accurate, wouldn't it be X-ina? If it's X-Tina, we could also call Chris Brown "X Brown". And that's dumb.

3. Why am I such a huge fan of ellipses? ...I blame my Chrisboyfriend.

4. Who decided "moonmen" are a comeback for Britney Spears? Moonmen are irrelevant. That's like Kraft Foods sponsoring an alcohol intervention for Shia LaBeouf. Yeah, that didn't make much sense to me either.

5. Why on EARTH am I not at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week?

6. Why can't I be INVOLVED in Mercedes Benz Fashion Week?

7. Has no one ever shown Rihanna a YouTube video of herself performing?

8. Why is any place allowed to call itself a city and not have activities for the 18-25 age set other than bowling or gambling?

9. Doesn't it seem slightly off-putting how practically everyone in Hollywood (music, tv, film) has "done it" with each other? It's like that Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game...but with STDs and pregnancies involved.

10. What would it be like to meet my mirror opposite?

11. How did my half brother get. So. Damn. Fat?

12. What is Josh Peck doing...right this second?

13. Why is it so hard for me to finish almost everything? I swear I am so half-ass - only because I work so hard at first that I just lose momentum and concentration after a while.

14. Is it possible I have adult onset ADHD?

15. Where's the damn remote to my camera?

16. Is Keri Hilson's album going to come out? And if it ever does, will anyone care?

17. See question #16, insert "Teedra Moses".

18. Where have all the cowboys gone?

19. Why are you still reading this?