And You Ask Yourself..."Where Is My Mind?"

I'd like to preface this with the fact that domestic and sexual abuse are not foreign, unrelatable concepts within my family.

Aside from emotional outbursts and snarky comments/jokes on other blogs and with my The View-watching mother, I've tried not to address/place judgment on this whole Domestic Disturbia thing. It should be a semi-private matter, worked out between those two involved, their families, friends, and legal and spiritual counsel. But it isn't. It's a media circus, a mess, a fiasco of epic proportions, complete with "Bat Boy exists!"-esque rumors and speculation as well as interviews with Chris Brown's Sunday School teacher and the custodian who cleans Rihanna's regular recording studio, even by those media outlets with a semblance of credibility. It has in part helped me realize that when it comes to the American media/publicity machine, there is no bottom. "Can this be any more depraved?" has become a purely rhetorical musing, since the answer is always yes, all under the guise of the journalistic standby that people deserve to know everything. Who will get ahold of Rihanna's bloody dress? Who can find the most gruesome photo of her face? Will the person who called the police speak out? Will the girl who sent the alleged text message be revealed? What are Chris Brown and Rihanna doing right now? It's downright unsettling, because I am only just now noticing how desensitized the public (including me) is about these things. It's as if we think we have the right to know, to pass judgment, to demonize and analyze. Yet, things of this magnitude or greater occur with seeming regularity right in our own families, neighborhoods, and towns, and we (collectively) turn our heads, say it's not our business and that we don't want to get involved. Why does the situation change when a celebrity is involved? We are no more connected to them than a person we make eye contact with once in a hallway, maybe less so.

Anyway, I admit that I've been guilty of it as well, so excuse me if I come across as hypocritical. I've just read so many comments and opinions that I didn't get to address and really, would have loved to talk about this with those people to understand why they feel as they do.

"Rihanna's so stupid for (allegedly) taking him back. She deserves whatever she gets, because she's enabling an abuser."
I do think, provided she really did take him back, that she made a very stupid decision.
I understand that abuse is difficult to differentiate when combined with love. Both actions require emotion and passion, so it's possible and even probable to become conditioned to believe they are related, or even one and the same. However, I define "stupid" as having a wealth of information and support at your disposal to influence your decision-making away from dangerous choices (or at least those with very high risk), yet making said dangerous choices anyway. I don't think people were stupid for smoking in the 40's; they had very little information, so I'd just call them ignorant. People who choose to take up smoking or continue to smoke currently are making a stupid decision. Of course, this doesn't reflect on their overall mentality, just their thought processes for a particular decision. Same goes for Rihanna. I've been guilty of it too. I stuck with a guy who wasn't like he used to be, thinking he'd change back to the person I thought I knew instead of getting out while the getting was good, before I got my heart broken. So to a lesser extent, I am not immune to stupid decisions. No one ever deserves to be abused, however, no matter what. Violence is not an answer to a problem, because it only creates more problems.

"Chris Brown is a monster who should be put under the jail. He's sick and deserves to die/be anally raped in prison/be castrated/burn in hell/etc."
No. Absolutely not. The demonizing of this young man is downright disgusting. He did an awful thing, yes that's true. He even (allegedly) is a repeat offender. He deserves to be punished by law for his actions. Anything else is up to God. Or karma. Or whatever you believe in. None of us have been appointed as his judge and jury in this life or after.

"Chris Brown/Rihanna is an adult who shouldn't be cut any slack for whatever reason."
These two people may be adults in age, very close to my own, but I see them as children/teenagers. Think about it. Both of them witnessed some traumatizing things in their lives. Some 30- and 40-somethings are still working similar issues out with therapists or medication. I know that some people who have also seen drug-addicted or domestically abused parents have grown up to become stronger and better people for it, but everyone does not have the same constitution or emotional pain tolerance. These two became top-earners and breadwinners within in their families at an age when many are worried about acne, getting an A in sophomore biology, or going to the prom: i.e., seemingly frivolous things. From that point on they've lived a lifestyle alien to most of us. They've been primped, prodded, spoiled, and coddled for years since. How could they possibly have managed to go through whatever experiences are necessary to "grow up normally?" Even children should be punished for things that are reprehensible, but I can't imagine not feeling bad for both of them, not just Rihanna. Clearly Chris Brown has not had the time he's needed to confront his demons, nor has Rihanna had the time to build up a self-esteem that matches her public persona.

"You're stupid for criticizing Rihanna because you don't understand the cycle of abuse."
Many people were saying that to commenters, particularly those who experienced it first hand. The cycle of abuse is easily comprehended: honeymoon phase ->build-up/tension ->explosion ->honeymoon phase. That doesn't mean it should be accepted. (Some) People who criticize Rihanna's role in all of this are basing their opinions on how it should be, not how it is. Having a chart on the widely accepted abuse cycle does NOT make it all right. It merely makes it common, which is not the same thing at all. It seems as if these people are defensive because they also took back an abuser, currently or in the past, and (perhaps rightfully) feel like a criticism of Rihanna's decisions is a criticism of their own similar decisions. Well, for their sake, I wish someone had been around to talk them out of it, too.

"Celebrities are not immune to the cycle of abuse."
Obviously not, but Jesus Christ, she IS a celebrity and it is 2009, not 1969! My grandmother (as lovely a woman as she was) had 10 children, a gambling problem, an abusive boyfriend, and black skin in 1960's and 70's Mississippi. Now, tell me that ain't hard. She had very few options for herself. Rihanna is financially independent (even if she is "broke", if she would just forgo the $12,000 shoes and bags for a while, she'd be good to go), has no children with Chris Brown, has a security team (who obviously weren't on their job that night), and a support system in her family, millions of fans, and incredibly powerful industry friends (hello, Jay-Z and Kanye). Why on EARTH would she stay? Well, people would go for this garbage:

"Love is very complicated."
No, it is not. Call me a romantic, but love is the simplest, purest thing in existence. People are complicated. It is our thoughts and questions that complicate it and our need for qualifiers that muck it up and turn it into all these things that we don't understand and ruin for ourselves. One drop of pee can spoil the bucket of water, or whatever the dumb saying is. Trying to mix love and pride, love and fear, love and jealousy, or love and abuse will always leave you confused and hurt. Not that it's impossible to overcome, but to me it's really like eating a fallen souffle: it's kind of hard to enjoy when you have that constant reminder that something's wrong or off. Chris Brown and Rihanna will make their own decisions about being together, but personally I think it's a bad idea. When there is physical evidence that a person invokes that kind of ire in Chris, why would he want to continue walking that tightrope, possibly regressing and hurting the woman he thinks he loves...again? Would Rihanna ever really be comfortable with him again, or would she walk on eggshells, afraid to do or say the wrong thing? What kind of life is that? What kind of love is that? I would think love, real actual love, would be expressed in the ability to let the other go, when a relationship is that volatile, to preserve the life (biologically or socially) of that other person. Obsessive relationships should have died with Romeo & Juliet. Grrr. I blame the drippy nonsense that is Twilight.

There is so much more. I suppose because the whole subject is so taboo, yet so intriguing to the public because of the "high-profile" people involved. I can hardly ever stop myself from talking once I get going, so luckily with typing, my hands get tired. I'll just leave you with a song that's lyrics are appropriate with the situation, I think, sung by one of the better, underrated contemporary singers.

Amel Larrieux: "Say You Want It All"

Janet Jackson Deserves Reparations

She does, from the stigma of Nipplegate. Her career just hasn't been the same, all because people caught a glimpse of a nipple for half of a second. We need some Nipplegate/Penisgate shirts A.S.A.P.

Well what's going to happen to Comcast and the wagging penis guy? Clearly, if we are to judge by the footage, he was going to be the big winner of the night, not Jennifer Hudson (who may have lip-synced?) or the Steelers (who made a fantastic comeback at the last). Damn my DirectTV and its uninterrupted game footage. I missed the most epic imitation of Tyler Durden in Fight Club ever, even if it was only in Tucson. I mean, it's the most watched sporting event next to the Olympics, and this was Tucson's hometeam.

http://www.comcastsuperbowlporn.com Such a clever name. You'll have to use Internet Explorer to view it, for whatever technical reason. NSFW/church/life/etc.

I find it hilarious that last time the game had a stunning rendition of the National Anthem by a black woman (by Beyonce) it was overshadowed by soft-core porn (i.e. Janet's S&M nipple), and this time, the performance was beyond stellar (by Jennifer Hudson), and it was overshadowed by a flopping penis. My big question is what were the reaction of parents whose children were present? I mean, it was like 15 seconds. Did they cover their children's eyes, change the channel, sit in stunned silence, or try to explain it away? What do you say to little Jimmy (lol) or Dana that will change the fact that they just saw a man wag his privates?

Sarah Palin is like the Rihanna of Politics

Don't frown at the title. I am already ashamed of myself that I thought it in the first place, but there it is. It came to me, while watching the vice Presidential debate the other night. I sat there, wondering why the focus group's positivity towards Sarah Palin would increase with every cutesy thing she did. I kept thinking, "Do they even hear the words coming from her mouth? She's downright annoying!" (Not to say Joe Biden can't cause a nose-scrunch too, but if you want Barack Obama as your Prez, what can you do?) I swore to myself to stop being so hard on Rihanna, but I genuinely dislike her, which is confusing since I don't know her. I guess the same could be said about Sarah Palin. Whatever. I won't apologize, but at least let me try to explain.

1. Both view themselves as "outsiders" and beat that idea like a dead horse, using a specific word.
Seriously. Try not to play any drinking games where you take a shot per usage of the word "maverick" (Sarah Palin) or "edgy" (Rihanna). It's likely you would die of alcohol poisoning. Rihanna couldn't "edge" her way out of a paper bag. Being a "tomboy" doesn't make you different. Tons of hot girls play that role because guys like it, I'm told. Having grown up as a tomboy myself, I was always awkward around boys (b/c I was attracted to them) and girls (b/c I wasn't like them) and always defending myself against being a lesbian (which I have never been). Mixing prints or black and brown or metallics or wearing white after Labor Day isn't edgy either. Some of us have been doing that for ages. Edgy is not just style/fashion, it's an attitude that she just lacks. Unlike Rihanna, Sarah Palin is actually what she claims in some ways. To be a maverick is to do what you think is right, despite being alone in that idea. I don't deny that she thinks she is right in all of her views, but that doesn't make some of them any less stupid. Ok, not stupid: inane? Idiotic? Imbecilic? Global warming must be a figment of our imagination. Damn the wildlife of Alaska, right? Let's take away a woman's right to choose, even if the baby would be a product of rape or incest, or the birthing process could kill her. Ridiculous.

2. Both were initially endorsed as credible by some old guy with dollar signs in his eyes, who had known them for all of a week.
Of course, McCain's dollar signs are accompanied with visions of himself swearing in as President. Jay-Z was already President at Def Jam, if I remember correctly. Details are fuzzy. Both of these men are incredibly business minded and have been "in the game" for years. I'm sure for both that it has gotten to the point where they can spot a cash-cow/gimmick right away. McCain knew that having a woman in the White House is as much strived for by the minorities as have a Black man. Plus, the other gender seems much more encompassing than a minority race. Jay-Z knew that his girlfriend (now wife) was getting pretty old in pop star years (they are like Playboy Bunny years, actually) and he wanted to have a hand in her replacement. Plus, how many women can match up to Beyonce? Not very many. Rihanna, with her boyish body and short hair, seems less threatening than Beyonce, I imagine, even with her green eyes and cringe-inducing speaking voice. Sarah Palin has a cringe-inducing speaking voice as well. Yet, here we are. Well played, gentlemen. Well played.

3. Both are arguably hot.
I must admit, both can be ridiculously attractive at some moments, and just average at others. Some call Sarah Palin a "milf"/photoshop her head onto bikini photos and some call Rihanna "the current hottest chick in the game"/photoshop her nude, while others think Sarah Palin looks like the bitchy mom at the PTA or their own mother (shudder) and that Rihanna looks like a man or a Klingon. Regardless, part of each woman's appeal/trademark is her looks.

4. While carving a niche out of practically nothing, both dodge naysayers by crying foul.
Any disdain shown towards Sarah Palin is met with the cry of "sexism". Any shown towards Rihanna is met with the phrase "jealous hater" or the term "Beyonce stan". We live in a world where people (myself included) have blogs, YouTube channels, and/or Facebook and MySpace pages and say snarky, bitchy things so much that very little is even taken as genuine criticism anymore. Since anyone can say anything (that pesky freedom of speech), there are those people whose criticism does fall under the category of envy, but there are many more of us who feel we have legitimate reasons for our dislike. But, their avid supporters can't hear anything through the white noise of their assumptions of our insecurities.

4. Both began more or less under the radar before suddenly rocketing into such success that it leaves all of us who don't see their appeal scratching our heads.
I don't really have to clarify that further. Suddenly they are all over the place, being shoved down our throats from all sides.

5. Both have (currently) beaten out their main and obviously more talented "competitor" (so to speak) in their specific fields.
I think it's pretty clear that I am referring to Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. Both women are quite adept at their professions, at least in comparison to the current popular choice. All four women have their faults to a point; you might consider Palin and Rihanna to be Pepsi, and Beyonce and Clinton to be Coca-Cola. One type may have been around longer, but the other type has more flash and public appeal. Some prefer one over the other in taste tests and some just hate both drinks. Coca-Cola is sticking with their tried-and-true image while Pepsi has enlisted the help of celebrities to sell their wares (am I still talking about sodas?).* Whatever the case, Palin and Rihanna are preferred 3 out of 5 over Clinton and Beyonce. I mean, duh, Palin's currently closer to the White House than Clinton, and Rihanna's reigning chart queen over Beyonce.

6. Both are popular/famous for nearly anything but what their career title directly insinuates.
Palin is immediately recognized by her Tina Fey glasses, Hockey Mom bangs, and mandarin-collared, brightly colored suits. Rihanna is immediately recognized by her Prince, Kelis, or Posh Spice-inspired hairdo, Fefe Dobson wardrobe, and her misguided, eventually regrettable tattoos. Palin has yet to be complimented by the press for her political prowess, experience, or insight. Rihanna has yet to be praised for her singing or performing skills. This is the case even with fans of either, who admit that Palin has questionable political knowledge/Rihanna has questionable singing talent. Why is that so? My theory is that the public, so sick of having images in mind of women that were unappealing or unattainable, decided to support women so ridiculously flawed at their chosen careers that they would be instantly likeable and/or relatable.

Well, I neither like nor relate to either. I am at present so disillusioned with the buying and voting public - in many ways besides this - that were it not for my desire to be updated on the current events of my universe, I would limit myself from contact with all this bullshit posthaste. I can only hope that trying to create change in my own life will create some sort of trickle-down/out/around effect that will affect change all around me. I have gone on long enough, so I will leave you with a few videos to illustrate my points and these suggestions:

Vote for Barack Obama November 4th, and buy the albums of someone with actual talent. One way or another, it's time for change, people.



Hero Gone Bad


Please Don't Pon De Replay


Disturb-ya at the VMAs


From Queerty.com

Bush Doctrine? What's That?


What's the difference between a funny joke and an insult? Sarah Palin


Palin v. Biden Parody
http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/vp-debate-open-palin-biden/727421/


Palin with Katie Couric Parody
http://www.hulu.com/watch/36863/saturday-night-live-couric--palin-open



Palin and Clinton Announcement
http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/palin-hillary-open/656281/

*For the record, Coke kicks Pepsi's ass all over the playground, unless it's Wild Cherry Pepsi.

Ok, So Get This...(Or, why this "Supergyrl" ain't so super...)

I had something else planned for today, but I had to write about this while the novelty, shock, and anger were fresh. In case you didn't know, supergyrl is part of the email address I have had since the 7th or 8th grade...some young girl's unhealthy infatuation with Superman, blah, blah, blah. On to today's topic.

I witnessed a robbery today. Well, it was more like a mugging, but I generally think of a gun being involved in a mugging. I was in the subway (or Metro, whatev) after my morning exam, listening to my iPod and waiting for my train home to show up when I heard a girl yelling. I couldn't make out what she was saying over the blast of my headphones plus the train terminal is kinda long. So, I just assumed that it was some raucous high school kids playing around like usual. A few seconds later, this guy brushes past me like lightning. Surprised, I removed one of the earbuds to hear the girl scream (again): "Somebody help me! Stop him! He stole my iPod!" I looked up in time to see the guy running up the escalator at which time this other guy hurried over.

"Is this for real?" I asked, and he shrugged. Immediately we both went after the guy. We followed him out of the station's only exit on that side, but he was already gone. The guy I spoke to just continued on walking away, which made me wonder (later) if he was a co-conspirator. By this time, the girl had caught up with me and was bawling her eyes out. We asked some workers at the exit if they saw where he went, but they only knew he disappeared into a cluster of apartment buildings. We flagged down a policeman in a cop car (which was at the corner, btw), who contacted Metro Transit Police, but he wouldn't go investigate at the apartments. I know it's the hood, but yeesh, call backup or something. Since I saw the thief's jacket, I kept looking around to see if he might appear down the street, but he was history. When the MTP got there, the girl made her report and I gave my witness statement. We offered to show the thief to the cops on the security cameras, but they refused to let us see them, which was ridic since we were the only ones still on the train platform that saw him.

On my way home, I felt kind of guilty for not taking her yelling seriously at first. If I had heard what she was saying I could have tripped him as he ran by. But, I did try to help by going after him. I got flak from my dad about it, but it seemed unlikely that a high school aged black boy who snatched an iPod from the only 5'2" Jewish girl (out of all of us with iPods, no offense) in the station would pose much of a threat to me, especially with police nearby. Anyway, because I could be wrong, I never intended to confront him alone, merely find his location and get a good look at him. But the thing that bothered me most was what she kept saying as she was crying: "I was screaming for help, and no one did anything."

Now, like any Psych major, I know about bystander apathy when I hear it. But, the facts do not change that I find it ridiculous. This girl lost $300 bucks she probably won't get back. In fact, never mind whether she looked rich, or poor, or whatever. The entire event is violating. Someone has entered your personal space and took from you, out of your hands. How would you feel? How could you possibly see it happening and not do anything about it? It made me feel sick. I (morbidly) began thinking of all the things that could happen to me, in a public place, and there is always the possibility that no one would help me. Not to be that person and make it a "race thing," but everyone in that station today was black except for her. I was really hoping that the actions of everyone involved (and not involved, just watching it happen) would not distort her views of my black people as a whole; that can happen, you know, especially with jarring experiences such as these. That poor girl; I know that it's better he took an object than something more valuable, like her life, but still, it's a traumatizing thing. I always said I would never fall victim to bystander apathy, but I almost did. I shrugged off her screams initially because I have been so conditioned by my experiences that I was accustomed to...ok, sorry, it was a Psych exam this morning. Something similar happened to my first roommate late at night a few years back, but there was a gun involved. It may be extreme, but I am seriously rethinking my position on driving to school.

Oh, and I think I got a C on that exam. Ick. I hope it was a B, but I don't know. I did a poor job of studying. And, I discovered that an all-night cram session leads to lapses in judgment. Case in point (excuse my piano-player fingers):



Btw, visit my Bestie's blog! She's a noob and a goofball like me, and she's one of my fave people in the world!