Soundtrack for My Life: 3/16/09

Look-y, Look-y, at what I Took-y!

Pictures! Yay! No, I didn't travel back in time and find a memory card for my obsolete camera. I just commandeered my parents' camera. Anyway, just as I was getting going with the pics, the battery died. Niiiicccce. So, I only have one measly outfit to show you as of now. Anyway, check 'em out.

I haven't learned how to get rid of the time stamp yet. I found my new picture area, too. If I wouldn't get yelled at, I'd totally pose on the piano, but it's damn expensive, so it won't happen. I tried a bunch of angles (variations of this) when I realized I could rig up a bootleg camera tripod that would get closer and show colors and more folds.


So then I took this one to show the awesome pockets on this bad ass dress, and realized I still had on my glasses.

Hat: eBay find; dress, necklace: Express; earrings: ?; bracelet: Icing (necklace, actually); tights: Hue; ankle boots: BCBGirls

I thought this one, sans glasses, was better. No makeup, as usual. I should really look into that, I think. I think I needed more light, but I couldn't get the lighting just right.


I got so many compliments on my tights, all day long, when I wore them that I am considering not wearing them as often as I'd initially planned. I really must get more Hue tights, they are ridiculously soft, warm, and comfy! I actually saw some on Beyonce on some internet scan of Seventeen magazine (had to say that, since I wouldn't be caught dead reading one, despite the habits of my 14-year old self) and began a search for some dope patterned ones and found these beauties! The suede ankle boots are my personal love. Most people hate them for making legs look stumpy. I agree that they shorten legs; I mean, look at mine in the above pictures (usually they are long, lean, and glorious! Hahaha). But, I love love love them. I think it stems from clomping around in my mother's vintage 80's lace-up ankle boots in 8th grade, when they weren't cool at all. I loved them so much she's let me have them now, but they could use a good buff/polish.

I wrote this on facebook like almost 2 years ago....

I can't believe it's relevant still. Dating's all well and good, can really be fun, but I just get bored. So. Damn. Easily. Same sh*t, different face, really.

Ok so...now what?
Saturday, February 24, 2007 at 2:04am | Edit Note | Delete
I have just, literally, just finished a book entitled "He's Just Not That Into You", a #1 New York Times best-seller, most likely because of the name dropping the authors do (one is a writer and the other a consultant, both for the cult hit show Sex and the City, which I adore). And I feel like the people in those nowwhat.com commercials (which I still kinda don't get) where some crazy shit happens to them and all they can do is stare. That's all I can really ask: now what?

I wouldn't really say I had a revelation so much as was finally actually able to put what I knew all along into words after reading the book. I would love to say that I felt as carefree and relieved as Sex and the City character Miranda Hobbs did when she discovered the mantra-cum-title. There are no mixed messages...men sometimes don't say what they mean, but they sure as hell do what they mean. They don't wanna say it to our faces because, well most men are total pussies when it comes to dealing with women's (or anyone's for that matter) emotions. I should take pride in the idea that I am emotionally stronger or whatever...it's empowering.

But, it wasn't really empowering...in fact it was downright depressing. Despite the fact that more than half of the book was written by a man, every page shouted at me just how much men are assholes and how desperate women can be pining away after them. This book tells me not to settle, but in the same breath admits that I won't have much luck finding my dream man because all guys are fucked up in some way or another about relationships. So now what?

All of these fucked up guys exist simply because women do settle, and accept the bare minimum in a relationship. I won't say I haven't been guilty of it (even in non-romantic relationships). I am sweet to a fault...I see some good in people and then I think if I am kind enough to them and love them enough, the good will overpower the bad, love will prevail, they will change their ways, and there'll be rainbows and butterflies and sun rays and music and buck-toothed bunnies and all that other happy-go-lucky bullshit. And no matter how often I get the cold splash of reality on my face that life doesn't work that way, I keep trying. My dad once said that was arrogant of me, and I guess I agree. What do I possibly think there is about MY love that will melt cold hearts? Open minds? Create peace? Get me loved in return? You can't force anyone into loving you, but you can't love anyone into loving you either. People rarely change, but your expectations often do. (cliche enough?)

So what do I do now? I am single and young. These should be the best years of my life. I have often been accused of being way too analytical and worried about things that are irrelevant at the time or out of my control. However, I am not sure I can categorize myself as a normal 20-year old. While outwardly I may seem to have lived a sheltered/protected life, still the things I have seen and experienced have affected me somehow...it's hard to explain, and the heart wants what it wants I suppose. Pursuits of some of my peers don't seem to interest me like I worry they should. I feel like an anomaly of my generation in some ways...like a 40-year old in a 20-year old's body or something...totally misunderstood. I am rarely attracted to nor do I attract guys my own age; not that it matters because what they are usually interested in I am not willing to give.

Well whatever, I have digressed so much that I don't even remember what my point was in the first place. I have all these thoughts in my head all the time, it's incredible that I can fit anything else into it. I have yet to meet a guy who is the Trifecta: stimulating Intellectually, Physically, and Emotionally...a man to infiltrate the mind, body, and spirit. Are there any? Maybe not...not according to this book anyway: search for Mr. Right, but remember he doesn't really exist, except in rarity? Come on... But you know what? Maybe I asked for this; maybe we all did. I have always wanted a man to be truthful...maybe the truth is "the good ones" are out there, but few and far between and getting snatched up by the second, by those both deserving and undeserving. I find myself in a paradox: I don't miss my current ex-boyfriend, but I miss the idea of him. He was a good man in theory, just not in practice. He fit a checklist, but it came together in a pretty undesirable way off-paper. I don't want a boyfriend, but I do want to be wanted. Does any of this even make sense? Well, it makes sense early in the morning...maybe not later.

I Try to be Like Grace Kelly...

Not only am I fortunate enough to share a birthday with the likes of Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Rodin, Tamala Jones, Anne Hathaway, and Ryan Gosling, I also share it with the lovely Princess Grace of Monaco. I have always thought she was beautiful, witty, and classy, characteristics she seemed to exude in every movie she was in.

I'm sure everyone knows her life story and whatnot, so I'll spare you that. I will just say I once read a quote about how she didn't want to be a brand or an example, and as admirable as it was, she ironically became just that. Not only has the public's adoration of her found its way into the performance of some actresses, notably Gwyneth Paltrow and Mad Men's January Jones (goodness knows she aims for the poised blonde wife with a hint of iciness), even singers find themselves influenced by her (although none compare to me).



Her friendship and muse status for some of the world's best designers and photographers has made her fashion timeless.


She is also the inspiration for one of the most iconic handbags of all time, the Hermes Kelly bag.

At 22 years of age, I will make it my goal/informal birthday wish to incorporate even a modicum of "Grace" into my personality, because I admire her greatly.

Tagged: Proust Questionnaire

Ok, so I tagged myself. I decided to do a Proust questionnaire after I read about this. I want to reiterate I just really don't like or respect him, and that's all I will say. Anyway the questionnaire was really fun, and made me think a lot about myself.

On Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:44:20 UTC E.Jay (21) answered the Proust Questionnaire:

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
To have no purpose, as if your life isn't your own

Where would you like to live?
Anywhere I can experience all of the seasons, good weather and bad

What is your idea of earthly happiness?
To give and experience unconditional love, or hot chocolate and a good book, which is close

To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
Spending money, my internet addiction, my lack of action

Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Any man written with a soul, one I would wish to meet, and the heroes of Greek mythology

Who are your favorite characters in history?
The Egyptians, Martin Luther King, Jr., Frederick Douglas, Richard Wright, any Harlem Renaissance author or poet

Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
My mother, Josephine Baker, Grace Kelly, Mae Jemison, Barbara Jordan, Marian Anderson; basically any woman who defied odds with exceptional talent and a modicum of poise and grace

Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Celie and Shug Avery in The Color Purple, Tambu and Nyasha in Nervous Conditions; women who express the duality of my own nature and a strength I hope I possess

Your favorite painter?
My little sister

Your favorite musician?
There are too many amazing people that come to mind

The quality you most admire in a man?
Compassion, although intelligence and humility are close seconds

The quality you most admire in a woman?
Compassion as well, without pity; envy is rampant lately

Your favorite virtue?
Aside from compassion, I prefer fortitude, but the other five are important as well

Your favorite occupation?
Dreaming

Who would you have liked to be?
My very best self, with no regrets

Your most marked characteristic?
My kindness, I've been told

What do you most value in your friends?
Loyalty and honesty, as well as support

What is your principle defect?
My sometimes utter disregard of moderation

What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
To remain stagnant, mentally or emotionally

What would you like to be?
Happy

What is your favorite color?
Whatever blue it is where sky matches the water and they look like infinity.

What is your favorite flower?
Every single one

What is your favorite bird?
The wren because it looks unassuming but has a beautiful voice

Who are your favorite prose writers?
Maybe Toni Morrison; I have read a lot of her books but I love so many authors

Who are your favorite poets?
Langston Hughes, Rudyard Kipling, Nikki Giovanni, Maya Angelou, likely more

Who are your heroes in real life?
Aside from my favorite historically relevent men, my father

Who are your favorite heroines of history?
Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, all of the typicals, more or less

What are your favorite names?
The ones said in a loving way

What is it you most dislike?
Phoniness

What historical figures do you most despise?
Any who would kill or destroy a whole race of people without remorse or regard

What event in military history do you most admire?
Any end to a war is my most preferred part of a war

What natural gift would you most like to possess?
Irresistible charm, incredible drive, and innate talent at whatever I choose

How would you like to die?
Both loved and fulfilled

What is your present state of mind?
Triumphant and seemingly invincible, pleased for my new President

What is your motto?
I'm not sure, it changes as often as I discover a new one

If you want, you can fill out your own Proust questionnaire here. They even have Marcel Proust's original answers, some of which I agreed with.

Remember Mondos?

I just got the earwig song from the commercial trapped in my head. How, you ask? Oh, you didn't. Well, that's all right, I'll tell you anyway.

I was looking at this post on ONTD, my favored among my guilty pleasures (they are just so deliciously ee-vull! It's like Gossip Girl, manifested in a LiveJournal, about celebs and pseudo-celebs rather than upper East-siders). I am pretty sure if you could be arsed to click the link, you clicked away immediately. I understand, it's incredibly difficult to give a shit that Chris Brown is making drawz, whoop-te-do. But please note that it's 1 am here, and my facsimile of a sham of a life has a self-enforced curfew of about 10 pm (again, I live in Mississippi, yeesh, stop having me explain that) which leaves me with about 3 or four hours of fat-ass'ed (3 syllables, like Shakespeare...classy, no? Classy, yes.) laziness. That is, if I haven't collapsed into unconsciousness from the weight of my full life (sarcasm, for the new).

So, I took the time to read about Chris Brown's panty line for dudes. It's gonna be called Big-Headed. No, really.

Yeah. (Insert obligatory Rihanna forehead joke here...I'm lazy. You understand).

Anyway, after wasting 4 minutes of my life (thank God I wasn't using those to save the world), including reading comments, I laughed, and said, "Well, Chris, it's your world."

That's all it took. I uttered those three words, and launched into the Mondo jingle, full blast. I can't even believe I remember the damned thing. Be warned, this commercial sucks big hairy ones even by 90's standards, but it would come on during every episode of Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, Rugrats, All That, and any other kids show I was watching.



Oh, you'll see Jennifer Morrison (Cameron) from House in the commercial (weird!).


Mondos used to be the main drink in my lunch box, especially in summer and on field trips. The Kool-Aid juices were ten times better, but these were cheaper (why? Kool-Aid where I'm from conjured up images of you growing up poor in the hood), so these would be the ones in my mom's shopping cart on grocery days. These were the times of Ramen noodles, Vienna sausages, and fried baloney (sure, there was bologna, but we had baloney), so I didn't know to be embarrassed by them until middle school, when everyone was drinking Hi-C's (remember the Ghostbusters flavor?) and Capri Suns in the trendy silver pouches, or just buying sodas. Yeah, so I was ashamed of my Mondos, and my mom eventually stopped buying them in favor of the Capri Suns. Since I rarely look at individually packaged juices in the store, I have no idea if they are still around. Dumb as this post is, I just got a touch of nostalgia (sounds like a disease), when my cousins and I would drink 2 or 3 of one flavor each in a sitting just to get our tongues to turn purple or blue or whatever.

By the way, I always wondered if Mondo meant "world" in any language. If not, the damn catch phrase/jingle makes no sense.

Happy birthday, Ari B.! :-D