Down the Rabbit Hole...

I started this post over a month ago, but abandoned it midway through. I rethought it, because it seemed kind of mean...

Eh, whatever. I'll be vague.

8/8/08
Instead of ending up in the tangible manifestation of an acid trip called Wonderland, though, I ended up in the land of the Vain & Vapid, girls who appear to be uniform in personality although they look nothing alike.

Seriously. My day was filled with the type of shallowness that can't be taught in pageant/modeling classes, imitated from movies like Mean Girls, or gleaned from hanging around (some?) celebrities. This has to be congenital. I mean, there's no way anyone can act like what I've seen here today without having honed such a singular dimension to a gleaming sharpness. And, this is from a female who has Vogues scattered across her floor, owns Sex and the City DVDs, and gabs about fashion with the passion of a political pundit covering the 2008 election. I'm not exactly (insert deep musician here), reading (insert famous Russian author) and quoting (insert famous philosopher) while donating my time to actively (stop female genital mutilation/fight genocide in Darfur/build homes in war-torn countries/etc).* As a matter of fact, just last week I said Toni Morrison wrote The Color Purple (BLASPHEMY!) when it was Alice Walker (DUH).

We all have our "blond moments" (no offense to blondes, since every hair color/race has its assclowns). However, I have never met anyone I would want to call a bubble-head before now. I can't let this happen again. My very life (and the bloodlessness of any nearby blunt objects) depends on it. Granted, the shallow never actually recognize themselves as such - perhaps this means that the fact that I question my superficiality nullifies it (in that way where crazy people never think they are crazy, because they are too busy being crazy, so if you wonder if you are crazy you couldn't possibly be crazy - ok shutting up now...)? Here are some things I have to share for anyone not questioning their possible lack of depth after observing the Vain & Vapid:

1. Oil build-up on your make-up during the day should not be discussed with the same graveness and sobriety as the events of 9/11, the "war on terror", or the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
2. Hair weave does not deserve the same careful planning, funding, and deliberation as plans for universal healthcare.
3. No, I don't think wearing a size 4 now instead of a 2 means it is time for you to hit the gym. If 5 pounds were all it took to get you to the size 4, you weren't really a 2 to begin with. And, that's okay.
   
4. It's not all right to hang out with "ugly girls" because they make you feel more secure.
5. No, I have never skipped class because my hair was "busted".
6. Facebook/Myspace are not as reputable as/equivalent to CNN.com, or even yahoo.com.
7. Facebook/Myspace are not really meant for you to become the Tyra Banks of your own Next Top Model competition.
8. Twenty-five is not fucking old.
   
9. Thirty is not fucking old.
10. No, I do not agree that McDonald's employees would be more pleasant if they had cuter outfits.
11. It's not the 50's. You aren't "too late" if you get married at 28. People live relatively longer, now that we (most of us) know smoking really is bad for us. And, you seem like the type to one day embrace a syringe full o' Botox.
    

*Note: I took a Russian short stories class and found it to be slightly lower on my boredom list than watching my siblings do their homework, and I do like classic novels, and participate in walks, awareness rallies, and protests, but like most middle-class "do-gooders", I have only been out of the country on vacation, not to lie down in front of tanks or bring well water to people fighting malaria. I have great respect for those who can do such serious and risky things. I am just honest about my (lack of) experience.